visions and dreaming of a Toltec Nagual


The Crack between the Worlds


“Every one of us has an energetic fissure, an energetic crack below the navel. That crack, which sorcerers call the gap, is closed when a man is in his prime.
Normally, all that is discernible to the sorcerer’s eye is a tenuous discoloration in the otherwise whitish glow of the luminous sphere. But when a man is close to dying, that gap becomes quite apparent.”

Don Juan Matus ~ The Active side of Infinity (Carlos Castaneda)


“Dreaming is the vehicle that brings dreamers to this world,” the emissary said, “and everything sorcerers know about dreaming was taught to them by us. Our world is connected to yours by a door called dreams. We know how to go through that door, but men don’t. They have to learn it.”

Carlos Castaneda ~ The Art of Dreaming, Page: 117

Losing human form

Our self reflection is literally a mirror through which we observe the soul; while we stare at our own reflection finding wonderment or disappointment with ourselves, the world is there just slightly out of our grasp….. Self reflection is our interpretation of world, it is our description of reality, but seeing the world as through a prism… With the light broken and the image distorted! When we learn to quieten our minds and stop the chattering, we will eventually learn to by-pass this self-reflective process and see the world for what it is, or rather for ‘how’ it is! The truths we find so solid and immovable are rooted in our perception which are in turn informed by our self-reflection!

Losing human form is the term for stepping beyond the bounds of one’s self importance. To be focused upon the self makes one heavy, clumsy, and vain. We always have self interest at the heart of every matter while we consider ourselves to be the most important “person” in the Universe, we will always be hurt, disappointed and abused. Self importance is easily damaged. And then we have to rush to re-establish our status. It’s like a balloon with a slow leak that you must constantly re-inflate and repeat (ad infinitum). It is possible to burst the balloon completely however. The means of eradicating it permanently is possible; but cannot be rushed. The warrior’s act of recapitulation is part of what is involved in eroding self importance. A warrior through the art of not-doing builds up personal power over the course of their lives. As personal power builds gradually throughout the life of the warrior, they will eventually reach one day a tipping point. Don Juan stated that the only resource available for gaining the extra energy needed to reach this escape velocity was through inorganic beings. This is why a warrior stalks his dreams, and the reason he scales the heights of altered consciousness. Dreaming is a gateway for the sorcerer, a place of higher meeting. The inorganic beings are capable of reaching into our dreams. They crave contact with those who choose impeccability. Heightened states of awareness through shamanic practices and the use of power plants; which are of course allies to the man of knowledge, are another means of making contact with the inorganic beings. So a man of knowledge occupies himself with these concepts during his lifetime and heads towards the show down that will ultimately mean the vanquishing of his self importance.

The shift is always a different matter for everyone depending on their predilection. It is rather like trying to crack a rock with water. Ice will do it, it gets into the cracks of the rock, freezes and expands, shattering the rocks solidity. Rushing water will do it, depending on how fast the river is. And dripping water will eventually erode the rock, it is just a matter of time. In the same way self importance holds out and will only be relinquished after a fight. So there are many factors that determine how a warrior will be able to deal self-importance the fatal blow.

It comes down to a moment of transcendence; if you will. A place where personal power has build to such an extent that to all intensive purposes, a warrior is no longer human – hence losing human form! The inorganic energy that a warrior builds up gradually throughout their life, tips the scales. He possess more inorganic energy than human energy, making him something other than human. The luminous cocoon cracks for the third time and he becomes a formless man. Entering into silent knowledge. This term means ultimately having outrun his habits, routines and personal history. At this moment the internal dialogue takes on a different shape. The bias changes. Away from constantly having to work to shut down the internal dialogue to instead internal silence becoming predominate. The internal dialogue collapses, as does the sorcerer’s explanation. At this point – everything will go. The weight of ones Self importance is too great to sustain the description of the world and it collapses.

When this happened to me, I was in a hotel room in Istanbul. Having taken flight across Europe. Through Holland, France, Austria, Hungary, Romania, Greece and then finally via a train to Turkey, I arrived at a ‘fait accompli’. I had no more options left! All the struggles i had endured for a decade had mounted upon me, I felt heavy. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I could no longer fight. No longer could I go forward and nowhere to go back. All the things I was running from at that time seemed a million miles away and yet there I was on the brink of death once again. Ready to put myself out on the boarder between Syria and Turkey – a badlands where terrorists hide out from the security forces. My fate was sealed!

I had no alternative, no more options left. Then suddenly I ‘saw‘. It is always better to be alive than dead, once your dead you have no options left at all. But what could I do? And then it came to me like upon on a wave. I realised there was nothing left I could do but “surrender“. On the  train coming into Istanbul I had been held up in a carriage with several other people. I had heard the ally, he spoke to me and said: “you do still consider me an ally don’t you?” and that was all he said. But from this moment I knew something tumultuous was coming. The event descended upon me as I sat in this hotel room several thousand miles away from all my problems…. And yet there it was – everything still haunting me. But the distance had given me insight, I suddenly saw again that it gave me a chance, a cubic square of opportunity. Which seemed to hover in front of my eyes. I Seized the opportunity. I gave into the moment “ I Surrendered to everything“. I broke into floods of tears, and then I was immediately comforted by a gentle invisible golden rain. I could clearly see falling all around me like a shower of golden speckles.

I sobbed for almost an hour and a half until all my tears seemed to have all been cried. With a renewed vigor, I left the hotel room and set out for the airport. I got my money back off the coach ticket for the journey to Damascus, that I had bought without being able afford the visa ….. this played an important role in the decision I was able to make. So I caught a tram with the money I now had from the ticket and went to the airport with the hope of contacting someone who might be able to assist me with a flight home to face the music. I had a Divorce to go through, I had abandoned my flat and I had a court case pending. But I had transcended everything. Surrendered. I had accepted my fate. I was released from the self importance, that had plagued me for so long. Once this Moment occurs there is no turning back. My integrity returned to me and I was reconstructed. My luminous being for the first time in years was en-tact. I thought I had done all the crying I was going to do, but instead I would uncontrollably burst into tears at the drop of a hat. This was pretty awkward for me as I had to stay four days in the airport, till I summoned up the courage to phone someone, I knew to beg for money for the flight home. I cried much of the plane ride home as well, staring out the windows as to not attract attention to my self. To remain unavailable, you understand.


“Knowledge comes to a warrior, floating, like specks of gold dust, the same dust that covers the wings of moths. So for a warrior, knowledge is like taking a shower, or being rained on by specks of dark gold dust.” Don Juan Matus


“Nostalgia is just a distraction for the shaman. Although it is a pleasant experience, it is something which draws him away from intent . It diverts his attention away from the task at hand.
Recapitulation is how the warrior recalls the past. And recapitulation cannot be done with a mood of attachment, nor infatuation, and certainly not through entanglement. Only by adopting a mood of detachment and sobriety is it possible. This means not longing for the past but being able to relive the situation sufficiently without emotion, to release the energy trapped there. Within the energetic field of the human being, energy becomes en-crushed on the surface of the luminous cocoon through the experiences we go through. Recapitulation has the effect of moving the assemblage point back to the same location it was when you went through the experience. With the sweeping breath it is possible to redeploy this en-crushed energy to the vital organs of the body. What nostalgia amounts to is a personalising of the experience you are recalling and it serves no purpose to the warrior.”
TW15junib bolg

Singularity – the unfolding

“The universe is a divergence, a division of oneness arising from a singularity of everything uniquely whole. From this Singularity comes the separation of form which we are currently experiencing. Everything will return to wholeness ultimately, it is my firm belief. The existence of light and dark is only an illusion of this separation of matter. Everything we are experiencing is an expression of creation through consciousness. A process that is set to enrich and develop our awareness and perception of it.” TW

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Salvia Divinorum (Trip report)

A number of years ago, I had a trip on Salvia Divinorum, that I was not likely to forget. I had been researching Salvia for some while. It is an entheogen, originally used by the Mazatec Indians of Oaxaca, Mexico, in healing and divination. Salvia is a member of the ‘sage’ family and is often  loosely translated as “diviner’s sage” or “seer’s sage”.  The main psychoactive ingredient is a diterpenoid called salvinorin A; which is a potent κ-opioid and D2 receptor agonist. Because of the legal status of this psychoactive substance Salvia Divinorum, is legal in the UK and can be purchased from headshops.

I bought an extract of Salvia, which was described as x50 strength. This was an elixir produced through the process of adding “salvinorin A” to the crush leaf of the plant making available something fifty times the strength of the leaf.

I sat down with a friend one night prepared to ingest this x50 extract. It is smoked in a bong or a pipe, and for my trip I borrowed a bubble bong – which looked something like this:

thweed I warned my friend that it might be a strong trip as he was intending to have a go as well. I filled the bowl of the bong with the extract, lit it and drew back on the pipe. I never even got to finish the bowl. As soon as the smoke entered my lungs, the Salvia Dininorum, kicked in and took hold. I blacked out immediately – when I came to, I lunged and stood up. I was then standing over my friend staring at him wildly. At first I didn’t recognize him and then gradually his name returned to me. The problem was though, I had no idea who I was. Everything had gone – my name, my identity, everything about me had dissolved. I was stood there staring at him. I vocalized all this – to his great amusement. Eventually, my identity began to return and I started coming back to consciousness – at which point I felt a sharp pain in my thumb – I was still holding onto the smoldering bowl of the pipe. I lunged again falling over on the other side of the room while screaming in agony – the water and the contents of the burning bong spilling on the carpet. It took me a little while to recover – it had been an intense experience but only lasted a quarter of an hour.

After the experience had worn off sufficiently, I started discussing what had happened. It was a surprising event, to actually lose my name and with it my identity – it was horrifying. The trip felt like everything had been stripped away from me. Along with my internal dialogue – the description of who I was simply was not there. Don Juan in the books of Castaneda describes how our world and perceptions are created and upheld by an internal dialogue. He also considered everything in our world to have a proper name. The naming of things was intrinsic to upholding and maintaining this internal dialogue. So, for me when my name was no longer available neither was my identity.

When we are in the state of the unborn, we are without identity. When we enter the world we come with a gender. The first thing we are then given is our name. As life progresses, we are then subsequently given attributes as our roles develop. The imprinting continues all our lives and we become enmeshed in our world, indivisible from it. The stripping away that the Salvia, experience had on me was a returning me to this original state. This place of innocence was fundamentally without need for identity or labeling of any kind. For a brief moment I was in the place of pure consciousness and being. Considering its legality Salvia Divinorum, is a powerful drug and should be treated with respect. Having said that the plant showed me something of the truth about the nature of reality and about the nature of myself.


The Return of Quetzalcoatl

I have just been away camping, I hiked about 50 miles from Aviemore to Breamar, in the Scottish Highlands. While I was away, I camped one night by a Loch and took magic mushrooms (humito). I didn’t ingest a great deal as I didn’t take much with me. However it was prepared right; kept in a gourd for a couple of months to dry out and mixed with other herbs including Mary Jane. As I sat by the Loch with a fire blazing away, I smoked part of the mixture and ingested the rest. I felt the effects almost immediately, it wasn’t strong but there was a power in its subtlety. I stared at the moon hoping the trip would intensify. Suddenly in the clouds there appeared a message of sorts. I saw clearly  emerging in the clouds the face of Terence McKenna. It was the typical image of Terence that we are familiar with. He had said before his death in the year 2000: “I’ll be around” – I presumed this was an indication of his presence. But the face then morphed into the face of Buddha. Things then got particularly funky. The cumulus lit up by the light of the moon turned into the enormous shape of a lotus seated Buddha. It seemed to move swaying and became alive. Then Quetzalcoatl, in the form of the Feathered Serpent from above came swooping in swallowing the whole scene as he went…devouring the Buddha.


My trips into the wilds are a Vision Quest, led and inspired by the wish for silent knowledge and a revealing from the spirit. So I was delighted to receive such a vision.

TMTo me the interpretation was clear. The first part is a personal reference and an answer to a question I often wonder about Terence – in a sense; “did he make it?” And by that I mean did he burn with the fire from within and attain liberation – I know now he did. It was also a validation of the knowledge which was revealed during his lifetime. But the second part is a telling of the impending return of Quetzalcoatl and the devouring of the Earth.
This is the second time I have had a vision of Quetzalcoatl – the first was during dreaming and Quetzalcoatl was in the form of a man. Quetzalcoatl is the Feathered Serpent worshiped in many of the MesoAmerican cultures. He was born of a virgin, who had an appearance from the god ‘Onteol’ in a dream. He is associated with “the morning star” and his name also means: “lord of the star of the dawn.” He was also known to have been incarnated as a Toltec king, who is set to return; Quetzalcoatl is said to be the ruler of the coming Age of the fifth Son.

I am not yet fully aware of the implications of the Buddha, but I believe this Vision means Quetzalcoatl’s impending arrival is imminent. We will be caused to see the greatest increase of change and outpouring of energy and spirit this planet has ever seen. And of course this outpouring will continue to produce a massive increase in novelty; just as Terence McKenna suggested in his theory of timewave zero.

Terence McKenna’s Timewave Zero Theory

“Nagualism” (The Power of Silence)


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At various times I’ve attempted to name my knowledge for your benefit. I’ve said that the most appropriate name is nagualism, but that that term is too obscure. Calling it simply “knowledge” makes it too vague, and to call it “witchcraft” is debasing. “The mastery of intent ” is too abstract, and “the search for total freedom” too long and metaphorical. Finally, because I’ve been unable to find a more appropriate name, I’ve called it “sorcery.” You consider if it is accurate or not.
I’ve given you different definitions of sorcery, but I have always maintained that definitions change as knowledge increases. Now you are in a position to appreciate a clearer definition.

* * *

From where the average man stands, sorcery is nonsense or an ominous mystery beyond his reach. And he is right–not because this is an absolute fact, but because the average man lacks the energy to deal with sorcery.
Human beings are born with a finite amount of energy, an energy that is systematically deployed, beginning at the moment of birth, in order that it may be used most advantageously by the modality of the time.
The modality of the time is the precise bundle of energy fields being perceived. I believe man’s perception has changed through the ages. The actual time decides the mode; the time decides which precise bundle of energy fields, out of an incalculable number, are to be used. And handling the modality of the time–those few, selected energy fields–takes all our available energy, leaving us nothing that would help us use any of the other energy fields.

* * *

The average man, if he uses only the energy he has, can’t perceive the worlds sorcerers do. To perceive them, sorcerers need to use a cluster of energy fields not ordinarily used. Naturally, if the average man is to perceive those worlds and understand sorcerers’ perception he must use the same cluster they have used. And this is just not possible, because all his energy is already deployed.
Think of it this way. It isn’t that as time goes by you’re learning sorcery; rather, what you’re learning is to save energy. And this energy will enable you to handle some of the energy fields which are inaccessible to you now. And that is sorcery: the ability to use energy fields that are not employed in perceiving the ordinary world we know. Sorcery is a state of awareness. Sorcery is the ability to perceive something which ordinary perception cannot.

* * *

Everything a teacher puts his apprentice through, each of the things he shows him is only a device to convince him that there’s more to us than meets the eye.
We don’t need anyone to teach us sorcery, because there is really nothing to learn. What we need is a teacher to convince us that there is incalculable power at our fingertips. What a strange paradox! Every warrior on the path of knowledge thinks, at one time or another, that he’s learning sorcery, but all he’s doing is allowing himself to be convinced of the power hidden in his being, and that he can reach it.
I’m trying to convince you that you can reach that power. I went through the same thing. And I was as hard to convince as you are. Once we have reached it, it will, by itself, make use of energy fields which are available to us but inaccessible. And that, as I have said, is sorcery. We begin then to see –that is, to perceive–something else; not as imagination, but as real and concrete. And then we begin to know without having to use words. And what any of us does with that increased perception, with that silent knowledge, depends on our own temperament.

* * *

Now, I’m going to give you a different and more precise definition of sorcery.
In the universe there is an unmeasurable, indescribable force which sorcerers call intent. Absolutely everything that exists in the entire cosmos is attached tointent by a connecting link. Sorcerers, warriors, are concerned with discussing, understanding, and employing that connecting link. They are especially concerned with cleaning it of the numbing effects brought about by the ordinary concerns of their everyday lives. Sorcery at this level could be defined as the procedure of cleaning one’s connecting link to intent.
The task of sorcery is to take this seemingly incomprehensible knowledge and make it understandable by the standards of awareness of everyday life.
The guide in the lives of sorcerers is called “the nagual.” The nagual is a man or a woman with extraordinary energy, a teacher who has sobriety, endurance, stability; someone seers see as a luminous sphere having four compartments, as if four luminous balls have been compressed together. Naguals are responsible for supplying what sorcerers call “the minimal chance”: the awareness of one’s connection with intent.

* * *

Naguals school their apprentices toward three areas of expertise: the mastery of awareness, the art of stalking , and the mastery of intent . These three areas of expertise are the three riddles sorcerers encounter in their search for knowledge.
The mastery of awareness is the riddle of the mind; the perplexity sorcerers experience when they recognize the astounding mystery and scope of awareness and perception.
The art of stalking is the riddle of the heart; the puzzlement sorcerers feel upon becoming aware of two things: first that the world appears to us to be unalterably objective and factual, because of peculiarities of our awareness and perception; second, that if different peculiarities of perception come into play, the very things about the world that seem so unalterably objective and factual change.
The mastery of intent is the riddle of the spirit, or the paradox of the abstract–sorcerers’ thoughts and actions projected beyond our human condition.
The art of stalking and the mastery of intent depend upon instruction on the mastery of awareness, which consists of the following basic premises:

  1. The universe is an infinite agglomeration of energy fields, resembling threads of light.
  2. These energy fields, called the Eagle’s, or the Indescribable Force ‘s emanations, radiate from a source of inconceivable proportions metaphorically called the Eagle–the Indescribable Force .
  3. Human beings are also composed of an incalculable number of the same threadlike energy fields. These Indescribable Force ‘s emanations form an encased agglomeration that manifests itself as a ball of light the size of the person’s body with the arms extended laterally, like a giant luminous egg.
  4. Only a very small group of the energy fields inside this luminous ball are lit up by a point of intense brilliance located on the ball’s surface.
  5. Perception occurs when the energy fields in that small group immediately surrounding the point of brilliance extent their light to illuminate identical energy fields outside the ball. Since the only energy fields perceivable are those lit by the point of brilliance, that point is named “the point where perception is assembled” or simply “the assemblage point.”
  6. The assemblage point can be moved from its usual position on the surface of the luminous ball to another position on the surface, or into the interior. Since the brilliance of the assemblage point can light up whatever energy field it comes in contact with, when it moves to a new position it immediately brightens up new energy fields, making them perceivable. This perception is known as seeing .
  7. When the assemblage point shifts, it makes possible the perception of an entirely different world–as objective and factual as the one we normally perceive. Sorcerers go into that other world to get energy, power, solutions to general and particular problems, or to face the unimaginable.
  8. Intent is the pervasive force that causes us to perceive. We do not become aware because we perceive; rather, we perceive as a result of the pressure and intrusion of intent .
  9. The aim of sorcerers is to reach a state of total awareness in order to experience all the possibilities of perception available to man. This state of awareness even implies an alternative way of dying.

* * *

A level of practical knowledge is included as part of teaching the mastery of awareness. On this practical level are taught the procedures necessary to move the assemblage point. The two great systems devised by the sorcerer seers of ancient times to accomplish this are dreaming , the control and utilization of dreams; and stalking , the control of behavior.

Moving one’s assemblage point is an essential maneuver that every sorcerer has to learn.

Sorcerers consult their past in order to obtain a point of reference. Establishing a point of reference means getting a chance to examine intent and nothing can give sorcerers a better view of intent than examining stories of other sorcerers battling to understand the same force.

* * *

In sorcery there are abstract cores, and then, based on those abstract cores, there are scores of sorcery stories about the naguals of our lineage battling to understand the spirit.

The only way to know intent is to know it directly through a living connection that exists between intent and all sentient beings. Sorcerers call intent the indescribable, the spirit, the abstract.

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